The Power of a Change in Perspective

How I Kicked Whining About Cooking to the Curb

I grew up a child of the 1980’s: Smurfs, Star Wars, playing outside all day, and fruit roll ups. I was lucky that it was normal for me to see my mom cooking a homemade meal most evenings in the kitchen. Even when I would come home late from gymnastics, we would rarely if ever, go to a drive-thru as she would have dinner waiting for me. Of course the 80’s were also categorized by casseroles and she apologizes to this day about the lack of fresh vegetables at a given meal. I reply, “Mom, it was the 80’s. No one had ever heard of kale back then.”

Then something happened as I went away to college and came home for holidays: the meals my mother started cooking used lots of fresh ingredients and were amazing. They provided a welcome respite from my normal dormitory diet of frozen yogurt with cereal for dinner. She announced, “I’m getting healthy.” And since that decision over 25 years ago, she has never complained about the effort that goes into a healthy meal, thus continuing to be an amazing cook and my biggest role model.

So I consider myself blessed that this was normal life for me. It might be logical to think that my mom’s joy and love of cooking would naturally rub off on me in the same way that my dad’s joy of working in the yard has most certainly been an influence. But alas, no. Whereas I embraced her vast knowledge of healthy cooking with recipe collecting, the joy was no where to found in my attitude in the kitchen. With amazing recipes to try out, unique and creative dishes abounding in my weekly routine, one would only have to look at my daily rituals of cooking and assume that I loved to cook. But I was doing it while whining and grumbling, only because I knew it needed to be done. Because I had (and still have) a strong conviction that healthy cooking is the foundation of good health. 

With many things in life that we loathe, if we do that thing for long enough, those closest to us start to take notice of our attitude whilst doing it. Regularly, I would finish dinner, exclaiming in front of my family, “That was an amazing dinner. What a pain in the rear it was making it.” Or, “Have I ever told you how much I dislike cooking?” Friends would remark after a nice meal together, “From the looks of it, you must love cooking?” I would glumly reply, “Nope. The only reason I cook is so that I can enjoy eating.” And to make matters worse, every week, which required a trip to the grocery store, was met with dread as if I was being asked to stand in line at the DMV. My self talk about my dislike of cooking had started to become more than just an occasional complaint, and was now becoming like continual background music played on repeat in the kitchen; a depressing theme song. 

Someone once told me that a miracle is a change in perspective.

I don’t know exactly what snapped in my brain two years ago, but I decided I was sick of my negative thoughts about cooking. I was working at changing other areas of my life where I recognized the power of self talk, so I decided why not give this area real effort and see if my daily outlook could change? I knew I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, because unless I won the lottery, I would be cooking until the end of my days.

First, I decided I would not announce to my family at the dinner table, “Guess what? I have decided I’m not going to hate cooking any longer.” Sometimes it helps to let others know our intentions as a way to have accountability, but this time it was personal. And I was wise enough to know that it is near impossible to have a perfect upward line towards improvement without set backs. So I preferred to have my actions of change lead the way.

Second, I decided I was not going to change or alter the way I planned, cooked, or went to the grocery store, because simplifying those tasks wasn’t going to change my attitude. I was going to keep my same methods because I had a strong conviction that they worked in my goal towards healthy eating. Changing my negative self talk was the only way to change my attitude.

Third, I was going to take a balanced approach towards being grateful that I had the opportunity and resources to cook a lovely, healthy meal. Going overboard by thinking about world famine on a daily basis would only elicit feelings of guilt. I would continue to work at having gratitude in all areas of cooking and consider myself incredibly lucky that my teenage daughter liked to accompany me grocery shopping each Saturday. But I wasn’t going to believe that only an “attitude of gratitude” would solve my problem.  

And lastly, I had to accept that it would be okay if I never fell in love with cooking. I had to make peace with where I think I “should be” (in love with cooking) is not exactly where I might end up (peace with cooking). I had to accept that any positive movement towards NOT having a sour attitude would mean progress. And that I would probably never be like my chef friends who get thrilled at spending hours on the weekend making a mess of the kitchen. Having peace with cooking had to be enough.

Many months passed as I worked at decreasing my negative self talk. I repeatedly allowed myself to acknowledge that healthy cooking does indeed take planning, a lot of time and effort in the kitchen, and regular trips to the store. But after I acknowledged these things, I didn’t assign emotion to them as I used to do in the past. 

Over time, I slowly began to see the dark cloak of negativity that I used to wear daily in the kitchen begin to become threadbare. Surprisingly, I found myself not dreading my weekly trips to the grocery store, but just accepting them for what they were. The feelings of needing to tell my dinner table how much of pain cooking was slowly subsided. And when I sat down to plan my weekly menu, I didn’t seem to moan to myself, “This will take FOREVER.”

Currently, the hours that I spend in the kitchen haven’t changed, and although I can’t say I love cooking, I am certainly at peace with it. And now, more than ever, I am so blessed that my skills in the kitchen have directly played a huge role in bettering my health, my family’s health, and those of my clients. So I guess it’s safe to say that two years on, a tiny miracle did occur in me….a change in my perspective towards cooking. And maybe on one occasion when a stranger asked me about my hobbies, I found myself saying, “I really like cooking.”