A Spring Like No Other
I never fully appreciated spring until I moved to Portland. An abundance of flowers blooming, colorful trees budding, and new growth sprouting up announce to the world that winter is finally over. When I lived in Wales, the daffodils would emerge just in time to celebrate St. David’s Day (March 1st) and where I grew up in Texas, even the brown landscape would turn green around this time of the year. No matter where I have lived, spring has symbolized new beginnings. It oozes anticipation like a Cadbury filled egg that has been cracked open.
But this spring is like no other. A new way of living has sprung upon us (from six feet away of course), was not anticipated, nor has it been welcomed. Did the novel coronavirus herald the beginning to a brand new way of living forever? I hope not. In the fear and uncertainty of the past few weeks, I have tried to keep my eyes open to find things that I enjoy amidst this hard season. While it’s easy to look outside my window and see spring’s grandeur on full display, it’s a little harder to find it when you know that people are dying, losing their jobs, and are feeling isolated and alone. Yet while the beauty in this season of life might not be as obvious as springtime in Oregon, there are still unexpected surprises to be found:
1. Boredom, you are a crazy little gift.
Until a few weeks ago, I viewed boredom much like that girl in my Pre-Calculus high school math class with foul body odor: to be avoided at all cost. This past week Tom Hanks commented on Saturday Night Live’s at home monologue that, “Also, there’s no such thing as Saturdays anymore. Just every day is ‘Today.’” I think we all understand the boredom to which he is referring, as our days continue to blur together.
Before COVID-19, rocket-scientist-turned-author Ozan Varol commented that, “The decline of boredom in my life came with a serious consequence: My creativity was suffering. Research shows that boredom is key to coming up with new ideas. As the mind begins to wander and daydream, the default mode network in our brain—which, according to some studies, plays a key role in creativity—lights up.” That being said, these past few weeks have been filled with more boredom and that has led to more creativity. Varol says that he “decided to proactively rekindle (his) long-lost affair with boredom” by setting aside specific times each day to cultivate it. I, on the other hand, didn’t decide to pursue boredom; it found me, and every day that the stay-at-home order has continued, I have been given opportunities to create because of it. Whether it be writing, drawing, photographing, or dreaming up ideas, boredom has momentarily transformed from the ugly caterpillar that it once was into a beautiful butterfly. I am hoping that its lifespan is much longer than this lockdown.
2. Exercise, I ❤️ You.
Lately, most mornings I have woken up feeling tired in some way. It can partly be attributed to the increased wine or sake that I have consumed the night before, or the fact that I have been going to bed a little later because everyone in the house is doing so. But a more likely cause of my interrupted sleep has been the underlying stress in knowing that there is misery and uncertainty all around the globe. Since staying at home, when I wake up I usually feel one of the following ways:
Despite wanting to sit at the table sipping a third cup of coffee, most mornings I have somehow managed to put on my workout clothes and go down to the basement, er, I mean gym, and exercise. The hardest part has never been the actual workout, where I finish drenched in sweat, nor the huffing and puffing that accompanies my elevated heart rate. By far the hardest part is the moment that I have to pull myself away from the table and walk upstairs to get dressed. After already sitting leisurely for over an hour, my mind (and fuzzy robe) tries to convince me to stay put for “five minutes longer.”
Even fitness professionals often have trouble getting motivated. Yes, I love the post exercise rush, but that is hardly a reliable motivator for me to leave my comfortable seat. It is only when getting up from the table has become a regular habit that I can consistently do it. In those moments of wrestling myself, I always acknowledge my feelings of wanting to sit and do nothing, reassuring myself that my feelings of wanting to be lazy are normal, and then I lift myself out of my chair and walk upstairs. Every time. Much like a seasoned parent who won’t give in to a whiny child, I learn to defy these inner voices.
And because of this habit, exercise has continued to be my most effective helper in battling stress and anxiety during this time of uncertainty.
3. Naps, you are precious and needed.
For the past 23 years I have secretly felt guilty knowing that I need a daily nap. Despite struggling through years of having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I still feel weak admitting that I function better with a short afternoon rest. Even though I’m convinced that I possess an imaginary “sleepy gene” inherited from my father, I have always regarded those that need naps as inferior to those that do not. When people comment on my upbeat energy, I tend to apologize when I explain my need for sleeping. But during the quarantine my mindset has changed. Almost every day has brought an unapologetic short nap. I no longer wake up in the morning wondering if I will need to take a nap. Now, I wake up each morning proudly exclaiming, “After lunch I WILL take a nap!” Silly enough, this time period has given validation to my naps. And when all of this is over, I will never ever again apologize to myself nor feel inferior for needing to take a nap.
Poppy and Gary love taking daily naps with me on the sofa.
4. Pizza, you make everything a little bit better.
Before COVID-19 quarantine I would enjoy pizza about once per month. Now I am enjoying it once per week. No other food provides me more comfort during this time than pizza (with a large side salad of course). Most fresh pizzas are delectable to me, but when the new year started my husband wanted to start baking cast-iron pizza inspired by our nightly habit of watching Bon Appétit test kitchen videos in bed. Now, every week under lockdown has its glorious pizza night. I understand when Jandy Nelson says, “I love pizza, meaning: Even when I’m in the middle of eating pizza, I wish I were eating pizza.” Pizza is so good that when I’m on my last bite, I am already looking forward to next week’s creation. Of course pizza doesn’t take away global suffering, but for a brief moment, it makes me forget it.
Brad’s sausage and fennel pizza.
Perhaps this different kind of spring will bring forth some special moments while lamenting the challenges of this stay-in-place order. Maybe amidst the sorrow, it will reveal in you new things that you learn or rediscover about yourself. May we all keep our heart and eyes wide open in anticipation.