Things I Won't Forget
My Spring 2020 home entryway.
I would call myself a sentimental person. I may look tough on the outside, but people who know me know that tears flow easily from my eyes. Before moving to the United Kingdom, I was the person who walked through my empty house saying goodbye to each room while humming Barbra Streisand’s “Memories” aloud. I’m prone to imagining life as a movie with accompanying background music and Jack Black as my sidekick. It is commonplace for me to keep special mementos from years past such as a clothespin with a painted bunny from third grade just because they make me smile. So of course I am going to find something to get misty-eyed about this time at home in quarantine.
Granted, these last three (count them!) months are like the time I had a pimple in the middle of my forehead in high school and I got carried away with holding a washrag of boiling water on it to reduce the size. Despite my mother’s warning, I accidentally burned a large hole in the middle of my forehead, made even worse by her making me go to school the next day.
Covid-19, like the cavernous hole on my teenage forehead, started out as something we all hoped would be manageable and short lived, but has instead become big, ugly, and a real mess.
Recently I heard author Ibrahim X. Kendi comment that this time period (and the issues of racism) have given us lessons in humanity. Whether we like it or not, every day we have had opportunities to become better humans as we learn more about life, others, and ourselves. From examining our own issues with fear, to looking at others with compassion as we admit we struggle with racism, we might have not have had many places to go these past months, but we certainly have had opportunities to learn.
As Portland soon enters into Phase 1, I tend to get sentimental over certain aspects of this time period. I wouldn’t want to permanently remain in quarantine, but there have been things I hope I won’t soon forget:
“If I’ve learned anything-anything-getting older, it’s the value of moment-to-moment enjoyment.” - Judd Apatow
Lately it has been rare to have something occur in my weekly home schedule that is out of the ordinary (other than the world outside falling apart). There is no trip to Spain to experience new culture, no deep discounted purchase to find on an impromptu shopping adventure, and few opportunities to run into friends or strangers in public unless it has been pre-arranged. Exhilaration for me has been reduced to anticipating which restaurant’s hush puppies will be the tastiest (winner so far: Reverand’s BBQ).
Covid continually has shown me that we only have today to live and that we are not guaranteed what tomorrow will bring. I’m often tempted to fast-forward to the unknown future or reminisce about the past, but for the most part, I have been more present and have enjoyed the simple moments because I have no certainty as to what tomorrow will be like. True joy, whether it be a conversation with a client, listening to the leaves rustle from the front porch, or savoring family conversations, can be found in ordinary moments.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
Focusing on the negative in others, rarely makes anything better-especially me.
The older I get, the more opportunities I have to be hurt, let down, misunderstood, and mistreated. But quarantine has shown me that spending time focusing on how I might have been treated by others does no good for the soul, as the day never becomes better, and I don’t become a more loving person.
Bob Dylan said, “Good news in today’s world is like a fugitive, treated like a hoodlum and put on the run. Castigated. All we see is good-for-nothing news. And we have to thank the media industry for that. It stirs people up. Gossip and dirty laundry. Dark news that depresses and horrifies you.”
Because negative news is easily accessible every time we open our phone or turn on the television, it becomes only natural to want to ruminate over our own personal grievances instead of noticing the good. But this way of thinking never gives life. More than ever, I have been challenged to resist focusing on relational disappointments, but instead to look to the positive and if possible, let someone know how much they mean to me.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
“This is hard. We can do hard things. And then I do them.” - Glennon Doyle Untamed
Collectively I hope my family will know that we can do hard things and still survive. A few weeks ago my teenager reflected, “ I felt sorry for myself when I found out in February that I couldn’t go to Africa (on a humanitarian trip). If I only knew what was yet to come - ending school prematurely, quarantining from activities and friends, losing two jobs, Black people continuing to die at the hand of the police, I wouldn’t have felt so bad then.” I know a day will come when I will feel the urge to wallow in self pity, but I hope I can pause to look back at how we did hard things and got through them.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
“Comparison is a thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt
Nothing leads me to ungratefulness faster than comparing myself to others. Because, like most of you, I have never gone this long without being around people, I wasn’t aware of how often thoughts of comparison would creep into my mind and change the narrative of the day. I would love to think that my recent self improvement can be attributed to the gratefulness that I feel as my family and loved ones have been spared (so far) from the virus. However, it is probably due more to the fact that I am around fewer people, therefore I am not getting tempted as often to compare myself to others.
The more I begin to socialize, the more I know the urge to compare will emerge, but I want to be able to remember the many days of Covid-19 that I was content and grateful and how wonderful that felt.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
In the morning, wake up, drink coffee, read the news, then exercise. Repeat daily.
This is the first time in my life that I have consistently exercised in the earlier hours of the morning. I usually walk downstairs to my home gym on the selfish and anxious side of life, yet when I finish my workout, my whole day is set right.
For me, morning exercise is like coming inside from a long hike and rinsing off muddy boots that easily weigh my feet down in the mud of a distorted perspective. Once I have exercised, I can walk less burdened and less self-centered for the rest of the day. It might be a real challenge to keep up this habit once my normal work schedule resumes, but I will certainly try.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
You are experiencing history.
There has never been a time like this in all of life, and I am alive to witness it. From the world’s communal suffering regarding the pandemic, to the multitudes standing united insisting that there be a reckoning over race, this is a unique chapter in history. We are living through extraordinary times, and I am hopeful of the positive changes that may one day be read about in the history books.
Numquam obliviscere, commemora semper. Never forget, remember always.
Remember always.
Always.
June 5, 2020 Black Lives Matter demonstration