Thanks, But I'm Wearing These Shorts
I am not concerned anymore with what others think about my appearance. My opinion about my body is what matters now.
Unlike the countless, miserable experiences many of us have had in dressing rooms, there was a time that I would have been happy to live in a Gap fitting room forever. Not because it gave me a few moments alone without young children, but because the mirror played a pleasant trick on me. The first time I tried on shorts and looked at the person staring back, I did a double take, hardly recognizing myself. My legs looked so thin; a phrase that I had never entertained before, and doubt I will ever think again.
I was not fooled into believing that the image in front of me was an accurate representation of my lower half, but a girl can dream, can’t she? Reluctantly, I exited the dressing room, purchased the cut-off shorts, and muttered to the attendant, “You really shouldn’t use self-delusion as a way to sell clothes.”
If only real life mirrored my Gap dressing room image.
“It’s you again Moriarty.” - Sherlock Holmes
I have never approved of my legs in shorts. Plus, knees are just plain weird. Like the reoccurrence of a pesky villain in your favorite television series who won’t go away, my wobbly thighs and fleshy knees have been my archenemy ever since I can remember. The ripples on my quadriceps appeared the moment I started puberty and have stayed no matter how thin or how much muscle I have had.
Thirty-five years is a long time to have been plagued by the same nemesis who you see daily, yet can’t get rid of entirely.
In the current climate of racial inequality, Covid-19 deaths, and economic destruction, the topic of becoming at peace with one’s legs in shorts might seem banal. But if the unraveling of the past few months has taught me anything, it is that I too need to undo some false beliefs about my body.
This is the Moment
What better time is there than now to stop accepting that a woman’s legs (or arms or stomach) must be tight, smooth, and free of visible cellulite in order for her to feel good about wearing what she wants in public? As the recent words of songwriter Fiona Apple go, “Fetch the bolt cutters. I’ve been here too long.” In my case, it has been well over three decades.
I cannot deny the impact that our culture’s obsession with perfection has had on my own mindset. I am sure that had I seen more realistic women on the covers of magazines with dimply legs and less than ideal knees, I would struggle less. For many years though, I thought I would be able to achieve the legs I desired if I just lost enough weight or “toned” more. As a young girl disgusted with my legs in a gymnastics leotard, I hoped that someday, those unlikeable ripples would go away. Either I would fix this part of my body through old-fashioned hard work, or at least I would begin to love my legs as I grew older, because surely mature adults did that type of thing. Unfortunately, neither option came true for me.
1987 Elite Gymnastics Team - San Antonio, Texas
While it is certainly worth mentioning that positive changes in my nutrition and exercise have helped to reduce fat and strengthen my legs as I have aged, nothing has completely cured what I viewed as a problem. Therefore, I decided years ago that I would cover up my thighs and never wear the short shorts that I wanted in public, not out of fear that others would disapprove, but because I deemed them unworthy for my own liking. Now I am at a crossroads of wanting to look in the mirror and be at peace with myself for no other person than me. I wish to raise the white flag of surrender, not out of defeat, but because I know that a better way of thinking and living is possible.
As a disclaimer, if you don’t want to wear an article of clothing out in public, I am not saying that you should. If you decide that now is not the time that you want to tackle this challenge, there is no judgment, as life certainly has enough obstacles at the moment. However, if you have done the tedious self-work to finally not care what others think of your appearance, but yet you still struggle to accept aspects of your body, there is hope. I believe there is a path that can lead to greater body freedom.
Next Steps
In the upcoming article I will share two practical concepts that I have discovered on my journey towards body acceptance. First, I will discuss the importance of knowing the facts and science behind a particular struggle, in my case, why I actually have cellulite on my legs. Knowledge helps us to recognize faulty mindsets and know the truth. Then, once you understand the facts more clearly, I will propose that you take action before your thinking has been changed. Specifically, I challenged myself to wear the shorts that I wanted in public before I actually believed that I was worthy to wear them. It was only after I took action that my way of thinking began to slowly change.
These tips might not ever lead you to a place of body love, but they will help you move beyond a pattern of self-loathing that prevents you from being at peace with aspects of your physical appearance that you struggle to change. For too long I chose not to approve of my body until it was perfect, but when perfect never came, it left me looking at myself in the mirror like I did when I was thirteen. I doubt you will ever hear me say that my legs are my favorite part of my body, but I sure will be able to put on the shorts that I like, walk out of the house, and not look back.
It’s time to fetch those bolt cutters.
