366 Days
A few weeks ago we officially passed a year since the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus a pandemic. Stories from the New York Times acknowledged the loss and hardship with headlines of “A Nation of Mourners,” “When Sports Shut Down,” “A Year Without Travel,” and “Loss in America.” Photos of empty offices and city streets reminded us of the “the week our reality broke.” It has been well over a year since I wore that velvet skirt out in public. Will I ever wear it out again?
No area of life has gone untouched. Early one Saturday morning, the week the pandemic officially began, I made a trip to Target in the snow. Nervously awaiting the store’s opening, I stood next to a shopper who told me he was employed by a similar store that would not allow him to set aside toilet paper to purchase, so he was there to buy as much as he could. Another shopper mentioned that his friends insisted that he stop to get hand sanitizer before coming home from a night out. He had not heard about the toilet paper shortage, so I suggested he would be wise to pick up a roll.
That shopping trip seemed like a last supper, the one where you promise to start the diet tomorrow and so you justify overindulging because you know your way of life is about to change. I walked down every aisle whether I needed anything or not, and when my husband texted to ask if I was still shopping, I replied like a child having one last turn on the merry-go-round before the park closes saying, “Don’t you worry about me. I am looking at bed sheets and having the time of my life.” His response that we did not need sheets was accurate, but since I was aware that I would not be able to enjoy a shopping trip like this for a long time, I bought sheets anyways.
Target. March 2020
Then life changed all over the world.
Like many personal trainers, I pivoted my business online and was grateful to help support my clients even if we could not meet in-person. I conducted most of my virtual training sessions from a chair in my bedroom as the other parts of the house were occupied by my family trying their best to resume work and school from afar. Months went by as we all got used to closing doors so we would not be distracted by loud voices coming from other parts of the house. I was reminded numerous times that I did not need to shout at the computer.
Zoom training sessions
The day before we returned to limited in-person training, I frantically called the owner of Reliquum Training Studio asking him to give me step-by-step directions on how to properly clean the gym equipment. His mental fatigue was noticeable as I asked for detailed instructions as to whether you spray disinfectant on the washcloth or directly onto the metal surface. As a grown woman who has had decades of experience cleaning house, the responsibility of thorough sanitation suddenly seemed overwhelming. Never before had I thought twice about how many minutes a product should remain on a surface to ward off pathogens.
Diligent cleaning, re-openings and closures, masks, dumbbells cracking from outside usage – it all became part of the pandemic work experience. One winter morning I broke down in laughter while training a client outside Hyatt Training when I saw smoke coming from a barbecue grill next door. Only during a global pandemic would one coach deadlifts while the scent of cooked meat wafted above their client’s head.
Outdoor training at Hyatt Training in the early morning hours.
“It’s like a heaviness, like you’re waking up to more of the same, and it’s never going to change. Like wading through something thicker than water. Maybe a tar pit.”
Fear, thankfulness, guilt, and loss of hope were a few of the fluctuating emotions experienced on a daily basis the longer the pandemic lasted. Several months in, I noticed a woman break down in tears at the supermarket when someone got within six feet of her grocery cart. Watching from afar, I desperately wanted to comfort her with a big hug, but then suddenly I stopped myself as I remembered that would involve me getting within six feet.
According to an article by Ellen Cushing entitled Late-Stage Pandemic Is Messing With Your Brain, “We have been doing this so long, we’re forgetting how to be normal.” The days have looked (and continue to look) the same and it is more difficult to focus on ordinary tasks. I am forgetting things more easily and it harder to concentrate. Future plans seem like they are on hold, and the creative ideas that used to inspire me to draw or write have slowed down, sometimes disappearing entirely. It seems like the events of this past year have brought out the worst in all of us.
Yet in a year of prolonged stress, there have also been moments where I have seen the best in people. Every weekday I arrive at work to greet my clients who have faced this past year with bravery and determination. It would have been easy for them to have paused their workouts when the world shut down, but they continued to honor their commitment to move their bodies whether it be online or in-person. Not only have current clients remained dedicated, but new clients have courageously reached out saying that they need someone to journey alongside them in health. In a year where it has been hard to muster up any motivation, they have shown up.
Last summer a client remarked that she did not like the weight she had gained from too little movement and too much drinking, so she did something about it by adjusting her portions and limiting her drinking which resulted in pounds lost. A new client came to me midway through the year saying that he had never lifted weights and wanted to start. My mom began lifting weights for the first time in her life after her yoga classes were put on hold and has faithfully maintained this habit. Facing tremendous sadness as she is missing her high school senior year, my daughter recognized that she feels better when she moves her body, so she sets aside time to workout even while completing virtual school and holding down a job. Despite different circumstances (losing a mother to Covid, having knee replacement, having hip replacement, pregnancy, being a front line worker, etc.), all of my clients will agree that exercise has been essential in maintaining their physical and mental health.
“We don’t have control over much right now, but we can show up for our workouts.”
Now as we wade through the mental fog of late pandemic fatigue, perhaps strength training is finally getting the recognition it deserves. Exercise has always been known to physically transform a person, but now most who do it regularly have realized its importance in keeping mentally afloat. Even on the days when I have no motivation (trust me, there are quite a few), physical activity always ends up reducing stress, irritability, lethargy and helps in navigating sorrow and uncertainty.
I know that these past 366 days would not have been manageable without regular and purposeful movement. For those of you who have joined me, I am honored to be able to journey with you as we pick up heavy things and then put them back down. Even though it is hard to imagine what life will be like after the pandemic is over, we will be in desperate need of healing from this past year. As we put the pieces back together and look at our life anew, may our strength help to serve us well.