A Time to Remember
Reliquum Training Studio
Yesterday evening at 7:30 p.m. my husband and I drove around downtown Portland. Any other week on a Friday night you would have had to circle the block multiple times in order to find parking, but tonight one could park anywhere. Restaurants dark with chairs turned atop tables, stores closed, buses empty with the exception of a few riders; it was something I have never seen in all of my life.
For the first time since 9/11 I don’t have to go into length explaining how I feel, because well, you get it. Everyone gets it. Daily fluctuations in mood, inability to concentrate, obsession with the latest information, and fear over lack of toilet paper- we all know these feelings because we are all experiencing them together. Not since the first mornings that I moved overseas have I risen each day asking myself, “Is this really happening?”
Every day brings new information with new challenges. Anyone that knows me knows that I have always struggled to respect one’s personal space. I don’t know if it’s because I am short, loud, or that I just love people, but often you can find me inching my way closer into someone’s proximity until my husband gives me that certain signal to step back. Needless to say, “social distancing” is quite unnatural for me.
Today while standing in a respectably spaced line outside of Trader Joes, I struck up a conversation with the woman behind me. I found out that she had lived in London (Hampton Court to be exact) before I moved to Wales. She went on to give advice as a piano teacher that people over 45 benefit most in their learning when they play the piano fifteen minutes at a time, multiple times a day, instead of at one long sitting. I have no clue how we digressed to that subject, but I walked away ecstatic and elated.
I already miss seeing some of my clients in person. My husband, who is accustomed to virtual business meetings, has to keep reminding me that there is no need to yell into the computer while communicating. Busy focusing on this, I also find myself fighting the urge to be dramatic in front of a camera (perhaps due to my years in theatre). I like to touch base daily by text with people who are important to me, and I have appreciated their honesty and raw emotions during this period. When I say I’m struggling with anxiety, everyone always responds back, “Me too.” In a time like this, there is no need to pretend you are fine.
In these early days it’s a struggle to remember to turn off the water while I’m scrubbing my hands with soap for the required amount of time and to cough into my arm. To date, the most humorous piece of information that I have come across was an article on how a person with obsessive compulsive disorder should respond during the coronavirus. “If you are washing your hands so much that they are raw or chafed, you are washing your hands too much,” says the author. I don’t know why I find this humorous, but I do.
When I step outside early in the morning, I am reminded that the sun still rises and the birds still sing. New growth on the plants and trees signals to me that a new spring is upon us, and I am given hope that this season in our world’s history will also pass. It is too early on to know if this is a time that I will want to remember when I’m looking back at my life, as I don’t know what lies ahead. Instead of focusing on how I can fight anxiety for the day or remain calm, I want to put my daily efforts toward love. And hopefully a by-product of that outward focus will ease my daily anxiety and bring joy.
I want to be patient when others annoy or frustrate me, or they don’t do things the way I would prefer. I want to be kind, thinking of how I can better someone’s day through my words of encouragement or thoughtful actions. I want to be blessed with all that I have instead of being envious of others’ resources, talents, or influence. I want to have grace for when things do not go my way, and I want to look upon others with gentleness and understanding. I don’t want to boast and pat myself on the back for all of the ways that I think I am doing well, nor do I want to berate myself for the simple things that I continue to fail at or struggle. I want to work at not being easily angered by people or news, and I want to be quick to forgive others. I want to have hope.
This will be a time for me to remember love. Whether I welcome it or not, I can rest assured that every day will present me many opportunities (even in lockdown) to step into this challenge.
“Where there is love there is life.”
