Yearning for Yesterday
“Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away;
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay.”
Almost one week into Oregon’s stay at home executive order, life as we knew it seems so far away. I’ve quickly adjusted to wearing the same clothes day after day, altering only my lipstick color when I’m on camera with my clients (orange red, dark red, or sparkly red). Some routines in my daily schedule have stayed the same, but many things have changed.
Before the executive order, I nervously gathered protein each time I visited the store to stock my refrigerator for meals. However, I have quickly grown tired of having a freezer full of every type of chicken, while having no plan of what to make with it. Every week of the year I normally make a menu and then shop for the necessary items, but this past week I didn’t even set a menu. What good is a stocked freezer full of chicken when you have no side dishes to pair? After I vowed to no longer purchase food without a menu in place, I set off to buy groceries and was comforted to find an abundance of green vegetables on the shelves. If you are ever out of toilet paper, I’m the type of person who would trade you a roll for a large box of lettuce.
Dreaming of toilet paper and paper towels at Target.
I agree with Marie Forleo when she said, “Don’t wait for some kind of future when you’re going to have a different situation. Do everything that you can to feel as happy as you can right now.” I know that this uncertain time will eventually pass, but I have no idea when that will be. If activities in my schedule need to change in order to make the day more happy, then that is what I will do.
The most notable difference to my household (and probably most homes) has come with all members of my family being at home. It has been enjoyable being together, but when all four of us are having conversations aloud online with clients, employees, or friends, the house gets rather loud. In order to get a few moments alone before the daily activities begin, I have been waking up earlier to enjoy the silence. I have also changed my exercise routine from the afternoon to the early morning in my basement. Like most people right now, I have more anxiety than is welcome, so to cope, I like to get my sweat on. Lifting weights in the basement and riding the stationary bike seems to not only curb my excess energy, but it quiets the anxiety of the moment. Admittedly, it doesn’t eliminate all anxiousness, but it helps to calm me for the rest of the day. Exercising has been my most important ritual thus far.
Since I’m no longer training clients in person, I have saved time not having to drive to either of my gyms. My daily commute now involves walking up the stairs to a small office where our dogs sleep, turning on the computer to connect with my clients, and grabbing the liquid detergent and various cans of beans to use as makeshift weights. While I certainly don’t prefer this virtual barrier, it has been a daily highlight to connect with such incredible people. As an extrovert, I have been texting and calling my friends and family much more than I normally do. As I hear their voices or see their names come up on my text thread, my heart smiles. When author Gretchen Rubin says, “Make people happier by acknowledging that they’re not feeling happy,” I am encouraged that it is more important to connect and listen than it is to have anything interesting to say.
In my endeavor to have more patience for those within my house, I have chosen to give more hugs to my husband and kids. My thought is, “How can you stay irritated at someone when you are hugging them?” I am religiously pounding out the same tune on the piano every day in hopes of perfection (I am getting there!) and never missing an afternoon nap with my two terriers on our sofa. Right now my days, much like my outfits, resemble one another, but I have peace with that. When my husband took me for a drive around town last night, I told him how much fun I had had. At any other time in our marriage that activity would not have constituted fun, but I have tried lowering my expectations and that has helped with my daily outlook.
Where will next week find us? I am assuming we all will still be indoors and hopefully well. I will probably have moments where I yearn for yesterday, but perhaps if I can keep my expectations of self, others, and adventure low, then the coming days will continue to provide glimpses of unexpected joy. In the stillness of life and the halting of routines, those moments may be harder to find, but I won’t stop searching for them.
Aladdin Theater, Portland, Oregon.